Why Aren't we all Dead Yet?
by Rikku3445
Summary: The members of the Sohma family show their love in many ways: By kissing ribbons, walking you home from school, picking you up from work, and throwing you across the room. Enjoy!


Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned in this fic.

**Why Aren't we all Dead Yet!**

Kyo and Yuki sat in the kitchen staring at each other. Tohru stared at both of them with a worried look on her face while holding what was supposed to be dinner until Hatsuharu-san had gone black and rampaged through Shigure's precious house and knocked it out of her hands. "You damn rat! It's your fault Haru went black. If you hadn't messed with him we'd be eating right now!" Kyo yelled at Yuki as he pointed at Haru slumped over in the corner. "What are you talking about you stupid cat? You're the one that has to pick a fight with everyone you see." said Yuki very calmly. He then took a sip of his tea. Haru was still in the corner but he was getting up now. Kyo set a fine example of proving Yuki right as he challenged Haru.

"Hey, Haru! Now that you're done taking a nap why don't we finish our fight?"

"Fight? But Yuki looks so lonely sitting at the table by himself and Tohru needs help preparing dinner. Why don't you go and help her and I'll sit by Yuki and keep him company."

Haru skipped over to the table and gleefully sat down beside Yuki. Kyo twitched. He didn't understand how Haru could change from black to white in a matter of seconds. "Dinner's ready!" shouted Tohru as she walked to the table and served the soup and rice balls. "Where is Shigure?" Tohru looked around the house for Shigure but couldn't find him. All of the sudden Shigure came flying through the wall and landed on the kitchen table, thus, destroying dinner once more. Chasing after him was his editor. "**_Shigure! Why must you put me through this constant Hell!_** _We have a deadline…** Now get to work, Damn you!**_" Shigure ran through the ruined house looking at all of the damage that had been done, all the while being chased by his now very violent editor. "**Damn you all to Hell!" **shouted Kyo, angry at the fact that he knew he wasn't going to get to eat any time soon. Yuki glared at him. "Damn us all? What about Miss Honda? What did she ever do to you to be eternally damned? You're going to regret that you stupid cat!" Kyo recalled what he had said. "No, wait. I di---" Haru was now glaring at Kyo as well. "So Kyon-Kyon. You've damned Tohru and upset my darling Yuki. You must pay, dammit!" Tohru ran around the room trying to calm everyone down. "Uh… um… no, please…uh…I- I don't think… um…" "No, Tohru. Kyo must take his punishment like a man." Yuki smiled as he and Haru-san slowly inched toward Kyo. 296 hours passed and they were now making great progress on reaching the worried cat. They glared at him as they kept on slowly moving toward him. After another 16 hours they were two feet in front of him. The two boys stopped and looked at each other and then back at Kyo. Then, at the same time they screamed, "**WEDGIE!" **Kyo screamed in agony as he was tackled by the rampaging teenagers and given the biggest wedgie of all time. Unfortunately for him he had been wearing three pairs of boxers that day so that Kagura wouldn't take them to wash them. She had already ruined all of his other pairs and he needed to protect the other ones. So… There lay Kyo on the floor with his boxers pulled so far up his ass crack that his shit got scared and ran back up through his body and came out of his mouth. Haru bid them all farewell as he left for home without another word. Tohru and Yuki waved goodbye to him as she willingly cleaned up Kyo's "mess." Yuki turned off the kitchen light and walked Tohru up to her room for the night. Kyo had passed out on the kitchen floor and was dreaming of wedgie monsters coming to get him. Before she fell asleep, Tohru wondered where Shigure might have run off to.

**Downstairs in Shii-chan's office…**

"**_Work dammit! Hahahaha!_**" Shigure's editor cracked a whip at his back as she commanded him to finish his porno novel. "**_If you do not finish by morning you will rot in the fiery depths of Hell! Ahahahahaha! Ahahahahaha…._**"

Thanks to all who read my fic. This is my first one so I hope you all like it. For those of you that have never seen Fruits Basket, I recommend you to do so as soon as possible. It's a great story. Well, until next time.


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